NNSquad - Network Neutrality Squad
[ NNSquad ] Tax Love, Not Email!
Tax Love, Not Email!
http://lauren.vortex.com/archive/001016.html
When the caller ID on my private line lit with a ridiculously long row
of sixes, I knew what was up. It had to be Ziggy Morbius calling --
one of the creepier people to cross my path over the years.
Thankfully, I've never actually met him, but conversations with him
are something between amusing and terrifying, so I'd always taken his
calls.
I took another sip of Diet Coke, and went off-hook.
"Ziggy. I know your number. Well, I haven't heard from you in ages,"
I said.
"Sorry about that, Lauren. Just got of the slammer. You don't want
to know the details," said Ziggy.
"You're right about that. So Zig, what's on your mind?"
"Have you heard about that weird Wozniak guy?" asked Ziggy.
"You mean Steve? Apple co-founder Wozniak?"
"No, no, not that weird Wozniak. The email tax Wozniak!"
"Oh. Yeah, I think I have. Berkeley City Council or something,
right? Retired nuke scientist or some such?" I asked.
"That's the one! He wants to tax email. Then the money could be used
to prop up the USPS or pay for guns and napalm and bombs and such, or
whatever."
"It's not going to happen Zig," I said. "Remember the old email tax
rumors floating around the net for years? The idea was insane then
and it's insane now. Completely impractical. Idiotic. Dumb. You
get the concept."
"I sorta liked it," said Ziggy. "After that Berkeley guy brought it
up, I saw them on FOX News talking about how great it would be as a
way to stop spam, and then I saw a whole bunch of those pundit types
on CNN saying it was wonderful, too. And some guy from the L.A. Times
supported it, and ..."
"Zig. Get a hold of yourself. First, you shouldn't watch FOX News.
It will rot your, uh, mind. As for the email tax ... It's not going
to happen. There's no practical way to implement it, or enforce it.
Email is really just files being moved from site to site. There are a
virtually endless number of ways to transfer files. Oh sure, you
could force ISPs to charge customers for accepting some email, just
like you could tax people for every byte they use on the Net. If you
want to destroy the goose that laid the golden egg, there's a plan for
you. I don't want to get technical about this now, but you won't stop
people from finding other ways to send email, spammers will find ways
to evade any systems you do set up, and honest folks with large
information mailing lists that don't make any money would be crushed."
"OK OK, I get it. I get it. So here's my alternative plan. How
about if the government taxes love? You know, sex?" asked Ziggy.
"Huh?"
"I mean it Lauren. What if they could collect something for every
time people, you know, do it?"
"Uh. Well, Zig ... it seems to me that this is basically the same
problem as taxing email. I mean, there are lots of ways to, uh, do
it. Lots of places where it can be done. I just don't see it,
Ziggy," I said.
"So what are you saying, Lauren? Taxing activities that are extremely
fungible like email and sex just isn't practical?"
"Where'd you learn the word 'fungible' Ziggy? That's not quite the
term I'd use for this, but yeah, you're on the beam."
"Well, I was just trying to be helpful," said Ziggy."
"Hey Zig, if I had to choose between an email tax and a sex tax, I'd
go for the sex tax before you could finish asking the question. An
email tax would cost me a fortune. At a penny an outgoing message, I
figure it could easily be a couple of hundred thousand dollars a year.
No way I could afford that! A sex tax ... well, these days, one hell
of a lot less. But neither is desirable, reasonable, nor practical.
Period. Full stop. That's just the way it is," I said. "But I
always appreciate your, uh, novel viewpoints on important issues."
"OK kid. I'll keep thinking about this stuff. And Lauren, you should
try get out more, I mean, since there's no sex tax yet."
"As always Zig, you're a veritable wellspring of wisdom. Try to stay
out of trouble," I said.
"You too," said Ziggy.
Ziggy hung up. I hung up. I returned to my Diet Coke.
Just another day with the Net.
--Lauren--
Lauren Weinstein (lauren@vortex.com): http://www.vortex.com/lauren
Co-Founder: People For Internet Responsibility: http://www.pfir.org/pfir-info
Founder:
- Network Neutrality Squad: http://www.nnsquad.org
- PRIVACY Forum: http://www.vortex.com/privacy-info
- Data Wisdom Explorers League: http://www.dwel.org
- Global Coalition for Transparent Internet Performance: http://www.gctip.org
Member: ACM Committee on Computers and Public Policy
Lauren's Blog: http://lauren.vortex.com
Google+: http://vortex.com/g+lauren / Twitter: http://vortex.com/t-lauren
Tel: +1 (818) 225-2800 / Skype: vortex.com
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