NNSquad - Network Neutrality Squad
[ NNSquad ] Al Capone's Ghost Congratulates ICANN
Al Capone's Ghost Congratulates ICANN
http://lauren.vortex.com/archive/000954.html
X-Ethereal-From: Alphonse Gabriel Capone
X-Date: Fri 4 May 2012 20:02 ZDT
X-To: ICANN (Marina del Rey, California, U.S.A., Terra, DIM489Q94-0003)
X-Subject: Congratulations on your great work!
Gang,
I know that this letter will come to you as something of a surprise,
given that we don't know each other, and I ceased my corporeal
existence over 60 years ago.
I don't get many chances to write, but I was able to obtain permission
this time so that I could congratulate you all on a job well done!
Back when I was alive, I was very interested in finding ways to turn
new inventions and technology into quick money. Many of the
techniques I chose may not have been entirely legit, I'll admit, but
you guys have exceeded anything in my wildest imagination, and
completely legal, too!
You can guess by now that I'm referring to your announcement today:
http://j.mp/Jzwhlp
that your fantastic Internet gTLD top-level domain name racket had
raked in more than a third of a billion dollars! Even with inflation
from my day, that's a hell of a take, and you haven't even collected
all the payments, and this is all with your application system still
broken after a month! Amazing!
Yes, I've been watching your wonderful activities for quite sometime!
I know you're probably unaware that we have fairly good Internet
access service here now. We recently switched over to using the DTN
(Delay-Tolerant Networking) protocols designed for outer space
projects, since typical delays to us are, shall we say, even more of a
hassle.
I've gotta tell you though, if you boys had been around Chicago when I
was in my prime, we might have had a serious competition going.
You know I made a lot of money, most of it from booze but quite a bit
also from the girls and gambling and "protection" we could provide.
OK, I also bought a lot of milk for school kids and opened up soup
kitchens and such. I'm a family man at heart.
But you're putting me to shame. 350 thousand thousand thousand
dollars, plus! I think about all the meals for the needy and health
care and other things your depressed 21st century economy needs, and
you've still managed to suck all that dough out of people's hands, and
real moola too, not those stock payments we hear about so much now.
I saw a note where your outgoing boss even said publicly that you are
deep with conflicts of interest, yet you still plow ahead with your
protection racket to make a relative few incredibly wealthy at the
expense of the entire world, and increase confusion, spam (we get it
here, too!), and other Internet-related crime that will result. Now
that's moxy!
If I still had a body, I would bow to you, and that would be a first
for me.
I wish we could have worked together. You're my kind of crooks.
Don't bother writing back. But I'll be watching ya', and loving
every minute!
Sincerely yours in admiration,
"Al" Capone, Deceased
- - -
--Lauren--
Lauren Weinstein (lauren@vortex.com): http://www.vortex.com/lauren
Co-Founder: People For Internet Responsibility: http://www.pfir.org
Founder:
- Data Wisdom Explorers League: http://www.dwel.org
- Network Neutrality Squad: http://www.nnsquad.org
- Global Coalition for Transparent Internet Performance: http://www.gctip.org
- PRIVACY Forum: http://www.vortex.com
Member: ACM Committee on Computers and Public Policy
Lauren's Blog: http://lauren.vortex.com
Google+: http://vortex.com/g+lauren / Twitter: http://vortex.com/t-lauren
Tel: +1 (818) 225-2800 / Skype: vortex.com
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